you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just found a bag of teeth...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
