After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
