When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
