I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
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Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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