Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
