the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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