when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
