2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
