Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
So. Much. Porn.
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