it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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