This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
If that was your dad, he is hot
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
