Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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