oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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