I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
