I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
