Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
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I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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