Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You need a sexual gate keeper
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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