Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
