Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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