The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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