Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
