Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
