If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
