tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Well I just put wine in my tea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
