At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
