last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
