So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
