i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
