Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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