before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
