the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize