I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
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Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
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