I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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