go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
