she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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