upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
