I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
home. puking in laundry basket.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
