Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
