I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
