he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
