i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
