i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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