At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
