Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
