I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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