Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
