omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize