Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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