it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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