There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
