Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just tell him i said nine months
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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