FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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