I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
