You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
