I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's never too late to be topless.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
