508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
