this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
