Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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