i just had sex bonerless
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
