I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Non-Jews are for practice
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
