You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
