stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
