My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
