hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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