You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
